are you so shy because you have an std?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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