You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
