i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize