I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Brb crying the tears of my youth
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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