After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
