She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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