I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
