I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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