Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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