apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
