do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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