Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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