he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
