my vag is so smooth its legendary
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
