For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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