I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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