And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
vagina is talking i cant
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
