Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
