i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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