If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
