Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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