hotel room ftw
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
