We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
