i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
