Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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