please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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