It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
