I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
