Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
