i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
