So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
