i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
