Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
