In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize