omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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