She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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