Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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