you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I would ride that face into the sunset
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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