im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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