the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
