Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
