After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Someone shattered a urinal.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
