he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
