haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
