remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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