I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
