Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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