32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
