It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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