She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
