Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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