I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
