obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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