Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
