I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
40s are totally the cure
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
