Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
