At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize