Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
