i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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