I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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