Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
