She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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