well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
