I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
