Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
