She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize