Cold hands, warm shart.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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