I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
