go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
