I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
