I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
someone owes me an orgasm
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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