We named our party play list daddy issues
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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