if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
