My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize