our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
