Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
