Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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