We need to rekindle our bromance
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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