oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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