Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
this just has baby written all over it
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
