I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
