Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
