So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
