I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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