i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
