tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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