You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
