They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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