I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
