imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
