I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
