tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
