So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
