Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
