Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
