Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
